What a piece of car-crash television this was! And yet, strangely compelling.
I found myself unable to switch off, convinced that this was crap, and in direct violation of my recently imposed “I Will Not Watch Crap” policy.
It was a total wreck: a group of seemingly senile judges (including Peter Purves, of “Peter Purves Customer Service” fame) sat smiling absent-mindedly into the camera, while a group of “celebrities” tried to look like they knew what they were doing, with a set of dogs who’ve been hand-picked from various shelters.
It’s basically celebrity Crufts, with the canine equivalent of juvenile delinquents. And it’s the dogs that kept me watching. Much hilarity ensued after placing a plate full of doughnuts, cheese, and pie on a table, and asking the dogs to ponce about and perform tricks. A plate of munchies so grand would have no problem tempting my good self away from pretty much anything, let alone a group of dogs who’ve never known such sugary delicacies. And things got a bit nasty when staff tried to part one dog from a large block of cheese.
And so it all went horribly wrong: the dogs decided they couldn’t be bothered (they’d much rather eat doughnuts), the celebrities put on a brave face, and the judges waited calmly for someone to tell them where they were. Ideally in a very loud, purposeful voice; “YOU’RE ON THE TELLY, LOVE”.
Couple that with a very uncomfortable looking Julian Clary, and the prospect of each dog being adopted via viewers phoning in after the competition (I can only hope the profits go to a good doggy cause), and this was some of the worst TV I’ve seen in recent memory.
And yet, I watched every second of it. Weird.
