Madworld E3 Trailer

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I might have to get a Wii again just so I can play this.

One of the most interesting looking titles I’ve seen in a while. And also one of the goriest and most violent. Not what you expect from the Wii really.

Rambo

I was going to review Rambo, but having read Harry’s review over on Ain’t It Cool, I think I’ll just reprint a couple of quotes and link across to it. I can’t express my feelings for this any better than he already has.

"When Rambo gets started - he makes the nightmare monsters of horror films seem like the cuddly things you hang on a mobile above your baby’s crib. He’s not just death… he’s really bad death. He’s the closed casket version of death."

"Stallone is Lee Marvin, John Wayne and Clint Eastwood’s ID MONSTER."

"Jesus will weep - and you will cheer!"

I think they should use that last one on the poster!

Now, if that sounds like your idea of a good time, go and see Rambo. It’s the single most violent movie I have ever seen. There are gibs and gore a-plenty. It out splatters most splatter movies. As Harry says in his review, Stallone was obviously smoking the same stuff that Peckinpah used when he filmed the ending of the The Wild Bunch.

It’s a mesmerizing ballet of political incorrectness. More please.

The Hills Have Eyes 2

I didn’t expect a great deal from THHE2, but it surprised me: it’s a huge achievement.

Massive. Seriously uber-humongous. Mere words alone cannot express how huge an achievement this film is. This film has the honour of being the most tension free, uninvolving, yawn-inducing horror film I’ve ever seen. It’s not even like the Black Christmas remake (a film so bad I considered self harming as a more entertaining option after 30 minutes) in that it’s not absolutely terrible; it’s just such a complete non-entity.

The gore isn’t particularly well done: featuring more of the terrible cgi blood spurts that I loathed in 300, and some pretty crap prosthetics; the actors are all uninteresting, and lack the ability to build any emotional ties with the audience, and the cast don’t even look particularly attractive; the script is so flimsy I suspect Cravens Jnr and Snr could have knocked it together over a couple of beers one night, and is filled with the sort of cliches Craven’s Scream mercilessly taunted; and the whole thing lacks any undercurrent of dread or impending doom.

We’re basically introduced to a team of incompetent, obnoxious national guardsmen. They proceed to ponce about in the mountains for a bit, while bumpy headed mutants hop about above them. After a painfully dull 45 minutes - including the appearance of Nameless Scientist Dude #1 from within a chemical toilet - they start to get picked off. Hilariously, right after killing one bumpy headed mutant, Generic Female #2 wanders off behind a rock - without telling anyone - to urinate. Whilst trousers are firmly around ankles, another (yes, there are lots of them) bumpy headed mutant carries her off into his lair. Generic Female #1 insists that they can’t leave without her, and leads the rest of the team to their - if there’s any justice - doom. Curiously, Generic Female #2 still finds time to pull up her trousers. Come to think of it, even after being raped - a scene that some describe as shockingly violent/extreme/horrific/etc, but which is actually one of the least effective scenes of its type in any film I’ve ever seen - Generic Female #2 finds time to pull up and buckle her trousers.
The original film’s “normal people are capable of shocking violence too, you know?” subtext has been totally abandoned for the sequel, and while we’re spared any doggie flashbacks this time, it’s still a complete non-event in the history of horror.

DVD Review: Masters of Horror - Incident On And Off A Mountain Road

Some horror directors seem to become associated with a particular writer’s work during their careers. Maybe they feel a certain affinity with an author, or understand and admire their work to such a degree that they are compelled to bring it to the screen. Two good examples of this are Stuart Gordon’s fascination with the works of H.P. Lovecraft and Mick Garris’ various adaptations of Stephen King material.

I’d like to add another pair to that list, if I may: Don Coscarelli and Joe R. Lansdale. OK, I’ll admit that Incident On and Off a Mountain Road is only the second of Coscarelli’s Lansdale projects, but he continues to demonstrate a marvellous appreciation of the source material. Here Coscarelli expands and refines the original short story into an excellent 60 minutes of horror. Just as with Bubba Ho-tep, Coscarelli appears to be completely comfortable when adapting Lansdale and the end result is a polished, effective piece of work by any standard.

Review: Slither

They don't make films like Slither any more. Or perhaps more accurately, they don't make films like the ones that have clearly inspired Slither any more. At a time when every recent horror film seems intent on proving itself to be the most extreme film you'll ever see (a fact which Slither mocks in its trailer) James Gunn has created a bona fide, card-carrying B-movie, and it's more than happy to show you its impressive credentials.

Gunn's directorial debut comes with all your favourite b-movie trimmings and plays out in a style that's very reminiscent of The Blob (amongst others). Fans should have an enormous amount of fun spotting all the tributes to various genre classics; Slither is wall-to-wall with references, from Videodrome, Predator and The Thing, to the more obvious nods in the direction of Shivers and Night of the Creeps. Much like Scream's slasher movie handbook, Slither plays by the rules and stays faithful to it's genre. It's very, very funny in places - thanks to an above average script and the timing and charisma of its actors (particularly Nathan Fillion, who proves once again that he can hold the screen as well as anyone with the right script) - and its inability to take itself too seriously is a tremendous help. And yet for all of the jokes, it still manages to achieve moments of tension and provide some genuinely unsettling and uncomfortable images. Oh, and the whole thing takes great pleasure in being pretty disgusting too. Another item in the b-movie rule book states that some of the effects must be deeply crappy, and Slither is more than happy to oblige here too. Whilst the makeup effects in general are superb, and there are some great cgi assisted kills, there are one or two effects which look dire. I'm fairly sure this is intentional, but even if it's not, the feel of the film is such that you can easily accept a few crap effects. 

Slug it out

The red band (ie adult) Slither trailer is now available for your viewing pleasure here. I'm really looking forward to this one - it's been a while since we had a horror film which didn't take itself too seriously. It'll make a nice change from all the recent "this is most extreme thing you've ever seen" disappointments.